Not enough me...

I can't believe a week has passed since my last post. I've been seriously overdoing it lately and it's caught up with me. I feel like I've been run over by a truck...and it came back and ran over me a few more times. Too much to do and not enough me. I've started several posts and put them aside to come back to later and not gotten back to them. I haven't had adequate braincells to write up a post. I'm going to try again now...please excuse if it's scattered...I know I am.

Just an overview of what's been going on...

I've decided not to buy an e-reader. Lots of reasons but in a nutshell...too expensive, limited selection of books, and I really prefer real books. Lol, when I have more energy I may expand on this...I have lots of issues with it. One thing that really bothers me is ownership...you pay for an e-book but you never really own it. I feel the consumer is being shafted coming and going. I'm dropping this now before I take off on it and wear myself out.

Grrr, I hate having to always monitor what I do...even what/how much I think. For me, one of the strangest things about CFS is that mental activity is just as exhausting as physical. That's really difficult for me. It gets really old having to pace and try to protect yourself from over-doing all the time in every aspect of your life...from the tiniest, seemingly most insignificant to the big earth-shattering ones. Oh well, sorry for the mini-rant.

I read 2 books this week...a free mystery e-book from Barnes and Noble and a Janet Evanovich mystery. Lots of laughs from both. So I guess my love of reading is intact. Whew, I was kind of worried about that. Must have just been a phase I was going through for a while where I didn't feel like reading. I think that it was also because I didn't have anything to read that really grabbed me.

I have quite a few books that I've collected over the years and haven't read yet so there is always something to read. Sometimes nothing grabs me though and I need something new...a good mystery, for example. Barnes and Noble has a clearance sale going on right now so I re-stocked the mystery shelf this week. Not quite as much fun as real book shopping used to be but still nice. It was a good deal...I got 9 new hardcovers for $31.31 (including tax). B & N has free shipping on orders of $25 or more so no shipping charges, either.

My mother came to live with me back in May and I'm having to learn how to live with someone else again. She's a sweetheart and I love her dearly but I'm finding it incredibly difficult living with her. Not her fault...I'm just doing much too much, not getting enough rest, and suffering from extreme sensory overload. I'm having to learn how to pace all over again and trying to cope with the over-stimulation.

I'm also trying to find ways to decrease how much I have to shop and run errands for us. (Mom doesn't drive.). This last week, I arranged for water delivery so that I don't have to drag all those bottles home from the store...yay! I also discovered that Amazon now ships canned dog food. I pay a yearly fee for an Amazon Prime membership and I get 2 day shipping free, so no charge for shipping the dog food. That's a great deal for me.

I have a large dog who can't eat dry food and haven't been able to find anyone to ship food so I've been having to deal with getting large quantities of it home by myself. I ordered 3 cases from Amazon last week and 2 days later they were delivered to my front door...yay! I highly recommend the Amazon Prime membership if you have trouble getting out and shopping...it's been great for all kinds of things.

Now, if I could get groceries from Amazon, lol. Nobody seems to sell many groceries online. I sure wish someone here in town delivered groceries. You would think that service would be available in a city as large as Houston. Ironically, it was available here before I got sick. Sometimes it can be pretty hard getting out for groceries. No matter how much I buy we always seem to need something. I used to only shop for groceries about once a month...that's not working now. I think we need to buy a small freezer so I can stock up more. Not sure how I could manage dealing with getting more at one time though. I guess spread it out and build up some.

I'm not taking Mom grocery shopping with me now...it actually turns out to be harder and more work than doing it by myself. I need to hurry as much as I can before I run out of steam. I pay for rushing but it's no better when I go slow and I wouldn't be able to finish if I went slow. Mom can't rush...so less stressful for both of us if she doesn't go. We bring in all the cold things when I get home and bring the other things in a little at a time. I have a big old fashioned shopping cart that we load up.

This has been a big week for online shopping. In addition to the dog food and books, Mom and I both needed some new casual clothes (shorts, jeans, tees) and undies so we ordered some things online. This is a first for both of us. I've bought other things online but not clothes. I always worried that they wouldn't fit and I'd have to pay for shipping twice...ouch. I hope these fit.

Can't think to wrap this up logically or re-read it right now to edit...Mom is narrating aloud everything she is doing and I'm on sensory overload. Helpppppppppppppp, lol! Hope this makes some sense...just smile and pretend it does, okay?

Bye for now.

Slow dancing in the fast lane...

Catching up...

I've been very tired and recuperating since attending a regular monthly get together with a group of friends last Saturday night (2/21). I overdid it some just going and have been dealing with the 'payback' from pushing myself and using more energy than I really had. The payback this time was fever, a 'heavy' chest (fluid), body aches, and fatigue, etc. for the first 4 days or so, then worse than usual fatigue (a very relative concept) since then. The flu-like symptoms were a sure sign that I did way too much.

It's so tricky because with CFS what is 'too much' changes all the time...it can be hard to gauge at the time that it's happening. I left early after dinner and didn't stay for the usual fun of playing Mexican Train dominoes. I tried not to push myself too hard but it was too much. I knew in advance that just going was probably 'too much' but I did it anyway.

I did the crime and did my time dealing with the payback. Grrrrrrrrr, everything is a trade-off these days. It was nice seeing everyone though and getting out. It was a potluck and the food was incredible...we all ate like pigs! I will do it again this month if I'm at all able.

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I've been too tired to do much writing so no blog posts this last week. Most of my writing energy has gone into e-mails and occasional IM's staying in touch with friends. Talking on the phone takes a lot of breath support and with my shortness of breath right now is difficult. So I save most of my telephone 'energy' (ha ha) for talking with my mother as she doesn't have a computer. I started a few blog posts and got too tired to finish them. They will eventually get finished or rewritten and incorporated into other posts.

I'm still learning how to pace myself with writing. I'm learning to brainstorm ideas, jot down my thoughts, write snippets then rest or at least change mental activities, save ALL my writing, use some previously written snippets in what I'm writing or as a springboard, and combine various snippets to put together pieces. I'm also learning to be more patient, be satisfied with less (working on 'less is more' concept), share more of my life, enjoy what I can do, and be less of a perfectionist and less demanding of my writing (and myself).

One discovery I made...if I use Google docs I can save and organize all my materials and easily transfer them to Blogger. I can take previously written segments/snippets/notes, plug them in, move them around, rewrite some, and edit without any problems when I post to Blogger. Using some word processing programs to write in (like Microsoft Word) or store writing and notes results in extra 'junk' that messes things up when you try to transfer your writing to Blogger.

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I ordered a new home phone with an answering machine built in and a headset from Amazon. I can't do anything that makes me hold my arm(s) up for long. For some reason holding my arm up is extremely fatiguing. Even something I used to take for granted, like applying mascara, can cause devastating fatigue. Using a headset gets around the problem of holding up my arm(s) and leaves me a little more energy to talk. I need to get a new earpiece for my cellphone now...I've had to stop using it completely. Using it is even worse with holding up my arm because it is so small and has to be held just so to hear and be heard.

Of course Murphy's Law kicked in and something was wrong with the phone or the headset. There was a loud hum when I tried to make calls using the headset. I got in touch with Amazon, explained the problem, and they 'overnighted' a new phone to me. I have Amazon Prime so I don't know if the over-night replacement was their usual operating procedure or because I'm a 'premium' customer. There are some kind of scary things in their return policy (one thing about returning things in a resalable condition...they don't say anything about defective goods or else I missed it...and stuff about shipping charges) so I'm waiting to see what happens.

Murphy was really working overtime so when I received the new phone...guess what? You got it...the same problem. Evidently, the problem was the headset not the phone. (I told Amazon I wasn't sure which was not working...how was I supposed to know? The customer service guy was very nice but as is usual in these cases, there was a bit of a language problem complicating things.).

Later, after discovering it wasn't a problem with the phone after all, I went out and rootled around in our old electronics parts stash and found a ratty old headset and tested it. Sure enough it worked like a charm. So now I have to get back with Amazon and tell them it was the headset and not the phone, work everything out, pack it all up, and ship it back to them. Yikes, I really don't have the energy for all that, but I guess I don't really have much choice! .