Sunday, February 8, 2009

Trying to teach an old dog new tricks...

Well, there's no doubt about it, I have to learn how to write shorter blog posts. I had forgotten what it was like to be too tired to finish something I wanted to write. I am definitely in the midst of being reminded now. Grrrrr! Another gift from CFS...fatigue, difficulty concentrating and what was that other thing I was going to say? oh, yes...and word-finding difficulties.

All very frustrating for a writer. I have all these blog posts that I started but didn't finish because I was too tired. I love to research and prepare in depth, well-documented pieces using a number of different sources when I write. Sigh, I'm not doing very well at that right now, though. Looking at these unfinished blog posts, I get frustrated for two reasons. I'm frustrated because I haven't finished them and because I realize that pushing myself to finish them is breaking the rules.

Writing this now is pushing myself. I keep revising, trying to synopsize what I want to say, so that I get my message across but I don't overexert myself. I find myself wanting to explain and educate people about CFS. There is so much to explain though and frankly I just don't have the energy to do it justice. So I sit here writing and revising...trying to keep things brief but understandable. I keep painting myself into a corner, though, wanting to expand and explain and having major input from my body telling me I have to stop.

Any kind of over-exertion is bad for you when you have CFS. People with CFS react very differently to exertion and exercise, whether it is mental or physical. Hard to believe, but when you have CFS, thinking is just as tiring as running. Sigh, I love to think and learn, compare and contrast, ask questions and look for answers, all of that good stuff. I have to be very careful not to overdo it.

If I push to do something I will pay and the payback will be disproportionately large in comparison to the activity that caused it. In other words, if I push too hard at anything, mentally or physically, I will get sick(er) and it may take days or weeks for me to recover from it. Sometimes doing even very small tasks can be overdoing it. To make things more frustrating, with CFS the rules change all the time. What was okay to do yesterday is not okay to do today or tomorrow.

I'm not sure how I'm going to do it yet. I have to pace and take care of myself but I refuse to stop thinking or writing. I have to find new ways of doing things and I have to learn to write shorter less labor intensive pieces. I have to learn to break what I want to write about into more manageable segments. Lol, all this is tricky, too, because it requires a lot of thinking and planning....which uses a lot of energy. Round and round it goes.

I also need to learn to approach writing in a more relaxed way. Not so easy...I get excited when I write or think about's fun and I like it. Did I mention that getting excited uses a lot of energy and it can be easy to overdo that, too?

Well, I've been doing some problem-solving as I've been writing this and I'm getting some ideas about how to manage it. Wish me luck. I'll let you know how it goes.

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